Adventures at the Salon

If there is one thing I am well known for, it has to be waiting until the last minute to get an appointment to get my hair done. This wouldn't normally be an issue except that I have a stylist that everyone just loves and she's getting increasingly harder to get an appointment with at the last minute. Last week, I called because I was completely disgusted with my hair. It went from "Ooooh, your hair is really cute!" to "Geez woman, get to a stylist immediately!" overnight. When the sweet little receptionist couldn't book me until TWO WEEKS away, I panicked and asked that she get my stylist to give me a ring when she got a break. She did and worked me in because she's awesome.

The only problem with being worked in is that it takes quite a bit longer because you are essentially sharing a time slot with someone else and while your color sits, they get attention and vice versa. No problem. I brought my book and I was set.
When my timer rang that it was time for the color to be rinsed, R (my stylist) asked the New Young Hip Guy who is working there to rinse and shampoo me. He doesn't have a client base built yet so he was pretty much just hanging out. Let's point out right from the start that New Young Hip Guy looks exactly like Seth Green, of Austin Powers and Mad TV fame.

I'm ok with this, I like Seth Green. That is until Seth, who will from this point forward be known as Gorilla Hands, started ripping the foil out of my hair. I was gripping the side of the chair trying not to look like a wuss. After all, surely he's done this before, right? Finally, I start exaggerating (but only slightly) my head motions with each pull so it looks like he's yanking my head from my neck in a game of tug-o-war. He still doesn't catch on but he's finally got them all out and it's time for the shampoo. Whew. No harm can be done in a simple shampoo. Except. It can when Gorilla Hands is on the job. At one point, I had to look back to make sure he hadn't attached a weed whacker to my head because the boy was killing me. Not only that, he kept splashing water in my face. After a few more exaggerated moves to wipe down my soaked face, I started peeking around for the hidden camera. After all, Seth Green is a notorious prankster and is always ambushing people for a laugh. I'm certain this is really him and I'm now on TV and for sure that must mean that my services here today will be free.

To ease the pain coming from my scalp and the fear of drowning that's setting in as more water is on my face than in the sink, I am thinking of all the fabulous places this little prank can take me. I could be on Oprah. This could be my big break. She'll have me on and tell me what a good sport I was about the whole ordeal and give me a vacation and a makeover complete with a reunion with my favorite teacher from fourth grade, Mrs. Mozingo.

Wake up, Heather, your scalp is on fire and no one has a camera. Gorilla Hands has slapped on some gloss and forgotten me. As the pain starts seeping down into my lower extremities from the chemical concoction, I hear him ask my stylist how long he should let "that stuff" sit on my hair.

"Two minutes."

OH.MY.LAW. Two minutes was up twenty two minutes ago. He races over to me and starts rinsing with a fury that makes our previous encounter seem like a lovely fondling to my poor scalp. After this, he moves over to rinse someone next to me and as he's rinsing her, HE SPLASHES WATER ON MY FACE. From the next bowl. Are you kidding me, Seth? Where's the camera? Where's Oprah?

When my stylist came over to complete my 'do, I thanked her for returning. When she started my scalp massage and conditioning rinse, I begged her never to take her angelic gentle hands away from me. When she checked me out, I looked at the calendar and booked an appointment four weeks in advance. I've learned my lesson about getting worked in.