Wednesday, October 15, 2008

An Open Letter to Parents Magazine

Dear Parents Magazine,

We've been together for so long. I first met you when I was pregnant with my first child and now, almost six years later, my subscription has never lapsed. You make it so easy with your Super! Deals! that give me three years of you for an irresistible price.

I'm sorry to say that I might be breaking up with you.

Before you start trying to entice me by throwing in a free year of Family Circle, hear me out.

First, I realized recently that most of my parental paranoia has come from your "It Happened To Me" articles. (In fairness, it's either you or the What to Expect series but I'll deal with them later.) When my daughter was very young and you ran the story of the baby who got a hair wrapped around her toe and it almost had to be amputated, I didn't let my daughter on the floor for a month without vacuuming first and then running a lint brush over the carpet. This month's story about the baby's car seat not getting strapped back in after a trip to the car wash was almost too much.

I could just skip that section, of course. But, there would always be articles lurking in the shadows telling me the next big thing that will either make my child a real live Baby Einstein or send him straight to Preschool Drop-Out.

I've also noticed recently that there is an abundance of thick, several page long ads scattered throughout your magazine. I understand that you have to pay the bills, what with the SUPER! DEALS! I'm getting and all that but these things annoy me and make it difficult to flip through the magazine to find the article I need to show my pediatrician husband about how we can save our child's life through better housekeeping.

Also? This is taking things a bit too far, don't you think?




I mean, seriously. Dressing my family up like a BLT? Besides, no matter how cute clever ridiculous this costume is, I am one kid short of a BLT.

So, Parents, you're on notice. Now that my kids are older, I can stop obsessing over the "It Happened To Me" section and I can have another kid to add the tomato to my BLT but if you don't do something about the insane amount of ads in your magazine, I just might have to cut out early on my 42 year subscription.

Not Jumping Ship Yet,
Heather

8 comments:

  1. I'm super slow because I didn't get that they were supposed to be a BLT at first!
    Also, I've never actually read Parents, and I think I'm kinda glad.;)

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  2. I so remember that "It happened to me" with the hair and the toe!! I've found myself checking Lucas's feet after he's been in footed jamies LOL

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  3. I absolutely can not read that magazine. I tried, after Eve was born, but no way. It turns me into a paranoid FREAK.

    I just say NO to Parenting magazine. I'm paranoid enough as it is, just being me.

    -Andrea

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  4. Wonderful post. You made me both laugh and really think. I don't remember parenting magazines when I was a young mom... just basically the cooking and home magazines. I think, back then, we relied on the advice and experiences of our parents and friends, and the use of a lot of common sense. I think your post is also true of pregnancy now, too. There is always an article in magazines (and online) about the most randomly horrible things that "can" happen. I know that with my daughter Audrey and my 2 daughters-in-law, they read about things that I never even imagined happening...

    And the BLT? I had 4 kids... so I guess one would have had to be MAYO!

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  5. I am so glad you posted that pocture! When I read that issue all I could think of was - "WHO has the time to make costumes?!" If I had to physically make a costume for my son, it would be the way my Grandma did when we were little - a pair of scissors, a black marker, and an old pillow case...Bam! You're a ghost!

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  6. I actually got "published" (and paid!) in their "It Worked For Me" section so I can't really hold a grudge, but I hear ya on the ads! YEESH!

    And we are also short one kid for the BLT. We'd just have to be ham and cheese I guess! : )

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  7. lol!! that costume is crazy! I hate when magazines are basically all ad's. It's so annoying! Obviously, I don't read Parents Magazine, since I have no reason to, but I can so relate to the too many ad's complaint!

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  8. I LOVE this post so much I'm giving you a round of applause! Well said!

    I still have a couple of months left of my Parenting magazine but am not really reading it anymore. Besides the paranoia it creates, it can make me feel like such an inferior, crappy mummy! And, I'm not having that! LOL HAppy POW!

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